Understanding
by HerRenegadeHeart
Summary: "You back with me?" She knew he meant the question differently, but it struck her in another way. "Am I?" she asked in return. Pain flickered through his eyes and his hand tightened just so on hers. "You're here. I'm here. It's real." His voice wavered, dropping into a whisper. "We found you." (Part 7 of the Defenseless Series)


_"I tell myself I have to build defenses_  
_'Cause once you are in love, you are defenseless_  
_Everything was easy when it meant less_  
_But once you are in love, you are defenseless."_

Askjell _\- To Be Loved ft. AURORA_

**#7 of the Defenseless Series**

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Higgins had been missing 57 days, 14 hours, and 20 minutes when she was finally located. She had been held in a small, windowless room, chained uncomfortably to the wall. Isolated. No interaction, not even with her captor. Food and water had been delivered through a slit in the door, whenever it was that he'd actually deemed feeding her necessary, but no words were ever exchanged.

When Magnum, Katsumoto, and the boys had found her, she hadn't even believed they were there. She'd been sure that she was just hallucinating again. It was Magnum's touch, his hand to her cheek, that had changed it for her. Her hallucinations never touched her. She could never _feel _them. When he'd whispered, "We've got you, Juliet," the relief had been so sudden and powerful that her body finally _relaxed_ and she passed out.

When she came to, it was to the sound of loud, rapid beeping. Her eyes snapped open, heart hammering in her throat, and she darted upright in bed.

_Bed? _She glanced around, confused. She was lying in a bed, machinery around her. There was familiar sterile smell.

"So sorry 'bout that," a voice from the door said as an older African American woman in light blue scrubs walked across the room. "These IV pumps like to holler from time to time when the line gets kinked." She pressed a button on the box attached to the IV pole, silencing the mechanical screeching. She tracked her fingers down the clear tubing almost all the way to Juliet's hand, but just as she reached, Juliet snatched her hand away.

The woman's chestnut eyes softened and she nodded. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to startle you. I know you been through hell. How 'bout we wait for your boyfriend to come back before we finish checking the line? Will that make you more comfortable?"

Higgins frowned in confusion. "Boyfriend?" she questioned, then winced at how ragged her voice sounded. It had been a long time since she'd used it.

"Mmmmmhmm. Handsome fella. Dark hair," the woman replied. "Thomas, he said his name was. He just went to get some coffee real quick. First time he's left your room since you got here."

_Thomas_… _Magnum. _Juliet sucked in a shaky breath. _Magnum is here._

"My name's Lavern, by the way. I'm your nurse."

Higgins felt a wave of anxiety squeeze her chest. This was a lot. Too much. Too much noise, too much chatter. She needed quiet, needed to be alone.

_No. _She hated quiet, hated isolation. She frowned down at the tan blanket that was covering her legs. She had been alone in the silence for… well, she didn't actually know how long, but it had been too long_. Too long._

She felt her face flush and her hands begin to tremble. Her mind raced, unable to comprehend what she needed. She didn't want to be alone, but she did. She longed for peace, but silence scared her.

She hated it.

She needed it.

It terrified her.

It was easier.

It was too much.

It was—

"Higgy, slow down, slow breaths." She felt a gentle, warm pressure on her hand and she looked down to see it had been covered by another. The hand over hers was larger, masculine, and a darker complexion than hers.

_Magnum_.

She immediately felt some of the tension seizing up her body release. She was able to breathe again.

"I'm sorry, baby," she heard Lavern say, "I didn't mean to upset you." The direction of Lavern's voice shifted somewhat and Higgins guessed she was talking to Magnum. "Do you want me to get Doctor Perez?"

"No, I got it," he replied. "Thanks, Lavern."

Juliet raised her eyes just in time to see Lavern retreat out of the room before Magnum stepped closer, filling her vision with just him. The relief of seeing his face made her hands shake even more. "Magnum," she breathed out.

The anxiety around his eyes eased. "Hey," he greeted softly. Not letting go of her hand, he reached backward with the other and pulled the visitor's chair closer to the bed so he could sit down. "You back with me?"

She knew he meant the question differently, but it struck her in another way. "Am I?" she asked in return.

Pain flickered through his eyes and his hand tightened just so on hers. "You're here. I'm here. It's real." His voice wavered, dropping into a whisper. "We found you."

Juliet's breath hitched in her throat. She had heard the same thing so many times in her head, but this time she actually believed. She nodded her head, emotions making the movements a little jerky.

"I knew you would," she told him, not willing to admit to him that as time had gone on, she'd actually begun to lose hope that they would.

Magnum gave her a small smile, but there was a look of guilt there and Higgins frowned at it. "Magnum…"

"I'm sorry it took so long," he said in a rush, like a dam bursting. "It shouldn't have. We should have been better."

This time it was Higgins squeezing his hand. She hated that look on his face, that self-directed anger. "You did your best," she told him, because she knew he had.

He shook his head and opened his mouth to say something, but she interrupted him.

"There's only one way you could have done better."

Magnum paused, cocking an eyebrow. "How's that?" he asked cautiously.

"If I'd been there," she replied, then smiled for the first time in a very long time.

Magnum blew out a puff of laughter. "Yeah," he agreed, "I'll definitely give you that."

Juliet's smile got bigger and she nodded, settling back into her pillows. She didn't let go of Magnum's hand, however. It was grounding her, and given the way he relaxed back into his chair and similarly made no motion to pull free, she had a feeling it was grounding him as well.

A comfortable silence fell between them and Juliet felt her eyes beginning to get heavy. She couldn't really recall the last time the pull of sleep had been a welcome one. When she'd been in that dark place, it always terrified her. She'd always worry that it would be the last time she'd close her eyes and that she'd never see her friends, _her family_, again.

Another thought struck her as well as she watched Magnum through half-lidded eyes. "I never really understood," she murmured.

Magnum met her gaze. "Never really understood what?" he asked.

"I never really understood… or could truly comprehend what you went through," she said slowly.

Magnum's brow ticked downward.

"Rick told me," she confessed, "about you being put in isolation." She'd felt for him before, of course, but this was different. Now she had experienced a small portion of what he'd gone through and she honestly couldn't quite fathom how he'd made it out of that experience without being completely broken. "I didn't understand before," she said, shaking her head, "but now I do."

"It's in the past now," Magnum told her, his voice rough with emotion, "My _and_ your past."

"But how?" she whispered. "How did you get through it?"

Magnum smiled softly. "My friends." He squeezed her hand again. "And your friends are going to help you, too. You can count on us."

"I know I can," Juliet replied, offering him watery smile in return.

"Good," he said. "Now, you need to get some rest."

Higgins knew she did. The pull of sleep had gotten stronger. Still, the anxiety warred with that pull and she felt compelled to ask, both embarrassed and desperate, "You'll stay...?"

The look in Magnum's eyes told her that him leaving had never even been a thought in his mind. "I'm not going anywhere."

_END_

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_Author's Note:_ Also another of my favorites of my series. These two and their emotions just GIVE ME LIFE. Hope you enjoyed this one as well?


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